A deep thought

I am writing this mail just for myself. What really counts is the act of writing. I really have nobody to send it to. I think it's all true. It's actually starts very simple. Marked by the joy of birth, there is only one path to follow. Everybody does it - matures. Right or wrong, good or bad is secondary. I forget my simpler start, but I remember my simple evolution. No needs, no pains. Basic love and affection. Parents, brothers, friends - that is all that matter. The little joy of a gift (like the scrabble game I got on my birthday) or the little jealousy of missing out on love (like my brother got a the pen for his), and then all that slowly vanish - making way for the new joys and pains, still small and simple.

It is still there. Just that it is lying at that corner, crouching to make space for the bigger brother - ever hungry to eat up more space. Hungry of ambition, of money, of power or self esteem. Do I care? I am of course better than the boy who comes in the morning to deliver my paper. I do not have to wake up so early - even before the street lights are out. Isn't that at least one reason to be happy about? That the world has given me a little more than so many others (a couple of billions to start my count). Just a little reason to say I already have more, why do I need so much? So much, that I can't even handle. Making my life complicated and intertwined with the chains of desire and failures...

Simple living... simple thinking... simplicity in action and thought... and without sounding poetic, getting the joys back from childhood... no mobile phone, no digital camera, no fancy shoes, no car, no bike, no expensive vacations, no flashy parties, no pubs, no discotheques, no "girlfriend"... but the things that really matter - kiss from my mom, hug from my brother, night out on the roof with friends... and giving back all that's calling me... giving back to the people I have taken it from... and reaching out beyond my own little world that hurts, since I am sometimes so alone...

Everybody hurts. you are not alone - REM